Resumes - What Not to Do

Tip 1 

Resume Tip 2

Name: James Edward Harold Bright Tip 3

Address: 3 Railway Cuttings, East Cheam, Sydney, Telephone: 01926532408, 019264532144

Age: 21 years, 4months, 3 days

Marital Status: Single, never married

Sex: Male

Current pay: $21,000, Full Drivers licence 7 pts

 

Education Tip 4

1985-1985 Electrical Engineering, dropped out at Christmas 1986-1989 BA (Hons). Psychology 3rd class

Subjects include: Aspects of Quackery 2b, Rat cognition 1, 2 & 3. Decision Making in sheep 3d, Forensic rat psychology 2c, Hypnotising feet 2, greyhound racing 2s, Cross-cultural cat bashing 2. Research project: Psychological Characteristics of High Achieving Haddock with special consideration of generational effects.

 

Career Objective Tip 5

To develop a career that fully utilises my unique gift. Where I can work in peace and harmony and where we can work as one, to fulfil my dream of equality, fraternity, and love. I have always wanted to work in Exotic Ice Cream. I feel my skills and the ease with which I communicate more than moake up for my lack of experience in selling Lychee Ripple and Fig and prune surprise.

 

Job History Tip 6

1982 1 day, Burger Park Leamington Spa, Serving burgers. Left because of grease.

1985-1986 Ran a pub for Grilfriends Parents after dropping out of University

1989 Management Consultant for friend's Company. Left due to argument with boss

1989-1993 Worked as a tutor at the University. Left after a student complaint (not upheld)

1994-1994 Crazy Cars. Sales rep for Car dealership. Left misunderstanding over money.

1995 Was going to travel but friend got a job

 

Reasons for wanting to leave Tip 7

The current working conditions are too arduous and I do not like the boss checking up on my appearance and whether I am in (or on time). I prefer a more slack approach to these management issues, something that your company has gained a well-earned reputation for. 

 

What they say about me Tip 8

Jim Bright is indeed an extraordinary employee, Jim's dedication never ceases to amaze me, once this can be harnessed to job-relevant behaviours there will be promise

 

Hobbies and Interests Tip 9 

I like reading, going to the cinema, going to the theatre, music, restaurants, sports, keeping fit, relaxing. I spend most evenings in the pub.

 

Membership of Professional Organisations Tip 10

Member of the Pink Falcon Club (Kings Cross)

Member of the Australian Extreme Ring Wing Party (from birth)

Eligible for registration as a Psychologist in NSW once outstanding fines are paid and record cleared.